Three's A Crowd
by horror101
Summary: Statler and Waldorf find a surprise while taking a walk... A surprise they now need to take care of... NOT Statler/Waldorf! Statler and Waldorf MAY be OOC!
1. Chapter I: Found

AN- This story is slightly inspired by Monsters Inc., Adventures in Parenthood and the blog Mommy Man. Search it up! It's a very good blog! :) But you BETTER not insult Jerry and his family! ):(

NOTE: Statler and Waldorf are NOT, I repeat, NOT a couple in this story! Though there may be some accidental Ho Yay...

Disclaimer: I don't own!

* * *

-Three's A Crowd-

~Chapter I: Lost and Found~

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You want to know something? I've never considered myself good with kids. Even when my children were born, I barely knew how to take care of them! I always left the diaper changing to my wife, I barely played with them, I always found it annoying when they started crying and never really interacted with them much. I bet my best friend and roommate Waldorf would say the same thing.

But when we met Angel... Something inside of me just told me that I needed to protect her... I'm not sure if it was how calm she was, how fond she was of me or because she seemed so young and fragile but I _needed_ to protect her!

Let me start at the beginning. It was a warm and pleasant Friday evening. Waldorf and I had gotten up in our respective rooms in our one floor home. We went about as usual. We got dressed, made dinner (it was my turn) and sat in front of the TV eating, while we chatted and heckled as usual.

Once dinner was over and the dishes were washed, we were about to go outside to go on our daily evening walk... That's when we found her...

"So, Statler, do you think that today has been a productive day?"

"Of course!"

"And why would that be?"

"It didn't involve Muppets!"

We laughed like we usually do and stepped outside. The weather was pleasantly warm and I heard birds chirping. We began our walk like usual, still chatting and heckling when suddenly Waldorf stopped and motioned for me to be quiet.

"What is it?"

He looked at me and asked, "Don't you hear that?"

I listened intently and sure enough, I heard it... The sound of a baby crying...

"Should we go check it out?" Waldorf said.

"Are you sure?"

"Those cries are coming from the woods. A baby shouldn't be in the woods!"

I couldn't argue with that so I just nodded and we both walked into the woods. We both separated at Waldorf's suggestion and we both began searching. We followed the cries until they were at their loudest. I was just searching in a bunch of bushes when Waldorf suddenly whispered, "Statler! Come here! Quick!"

I hurried over to the small growth of bushes that he was pointing at.

"Take a look in those bushes." He said, smiling but at the same looking confused.

I cautiously approached the bushes, took a deep breath, pulled the bushes back... and backed up out of pure _shock,_ making my friend chuckle.

There was a _baby_ lying there! She had a small head of blond hair, was wearing nothing but a diaper and was crying loudly. It was then that she noticed us and slowly stopped crying. She wiped the tears from her eyes and peered curiously at us.

"She's studying us." I whispered to Waldorf.

"Yeah..." He whispered back.

This continued for a few more seconds before she suddenly whimpered and reached up to us. We both aww'd and me, not knowing what else to do, picked her up and cradled her against my chest. She clung to me as if I was her only life force in the world.

"She's quite taken to you."

"Yeah..." It was then that I realized that we were both calling her a "her". How did we know what this kid's gender was?

"Hey Waldorf."

"Mmm?"

"Should we check to see what this kid's gender is?"

He looked quite startled, causing me to roll my eyes and say, "C'mon Waldorf! We need to make sure this kid is really a 'her'! Besides, it's not like you haven't handled kid's diapers before!"

"Yes, but that was _years_ ago!"

"Oh, knock it off! Just take her diaper off and check if the kid's a girl or not, ya old fool!"

He growled softly but took her diaper off and we both checked.

"Yep, she's a girl alright."

It was then that I felt something warm on my leg. Warm and wet... Waldorf suddenly began laughing and, fearing the worse, I looked down... And saw that the little brat was peeing on me...

And to make matters worse, she was grinning at me, as if she knew what she was doing. But when I looked at how she was grinning, I couldn't help but smile myself... She was just so darn cute! Looking down at my pant leg, I suddenly chuckle a little seeing that I _definitely_ need to wash my pants!

"You're a brat, you know that?" I cooed to her.

She just giggled, making me chuckle again.

I looked over at Waldorf, who was laughing so hard, tears were in his eyes and he was doubling over. "Alright, ya old fool! You've had your laugh, now come help me!"

Wiping the tears from his eyes, he nods. He quickly puts the diaper back on the kid and watches as I once again cradle her.

"Well, at least she's not crying anymore. She probably just had to go to the bathroom!"

I glare at him and growl, which only causes him to chuckle.

"Alright now, in all seriousness, what do we do with her?" He asked me.

I shrugged. "Take her to the police I guess."

* * *

"So, you said that you found this child in the woods, correct?"

We nodded.

"And you've never seen this child before in your entire lives?"

"That's right."

The officer on duty wrote something in his notebook down as he nodded and said, "Alright, we'll do what we can to find this kid's real parents."

"Thank you, officer."

"Now, in the meantime, someone needs to look after the kid. Unfortunately, our orphanages are full and no one I know can look after this kid!"

I froze. "Wait... Are you trying to say that...?"

"You need to look after her? Yeah." He nodded. "You're the only ones capable of taking the child in and raising her! Besides, she's quite taken to you."

He smiled and motioned towards me, where the baby was nuzzling against my chest, sleeping. I smiled. Boy, she looked so peaceful... It was hard to believe that just one hour earlier, she was crying her eyes out!

"That is true... She is quite taken to us, isn't she?"

I looked towards Waldorf, only to find him looking uncertain. Knowing that we needed to talk, I politely excused us and took him outside. As soon as I shut the door, he turned to me and said, "Are you crazy? We can't take her in!"

"Why not?" I asked; confused as to what was making my friend act like this.

"Why not?" He repeated incredously. "Statler, you know why! If we take this kid in and raise her, what will everyone else think?"

"Waldorf..." I started to say but he cut me off.

"No Statler! I refuse to take this kid in! We can find someone else to take care of her!"

"Waldorf, you're being unreasonable!" I retorted, growing angry. Feeling the baby suddenly whimper and stir a little, I lowered my voice. "This baby needs to be taken care of! We can't just ditch her and leave her with total strangers! What would she think and feel? If the environment suddenly changed on her again?"

"But, Statler..."

"No!" I almost shouted. "I don't care what everyone else thinks! If they think that we're gay and we've adopted, fine! If they think we're babysitting, _fine!_ Even if they think we're kidnappers, **fine!** I'm going to take this child in and raise her! At least until we find her real parents!"

Waldorf didn't respond. I could tell he was in deep thought. And as he looked at the sleeping baby in my arms, he couldn't help but smile. It was one of his rare smiles. One filled with peace... One that looked like something a father would wear on his face when laying his eyes on his child for the first time...

"... Alright, I'll do it."

I smiled, relieved. "Thank you, Waldorf."

We re-entered the police station and told the officer that we were going to take her in. He thanked us and gave us some of the essential baby items, like diapers, toys and a stuffed animal. He also gave us a warm blanket to wrap her up in.

"I'll pre-order a crib for you two, so expect that to arrive either today or tomorrow."

We thanked him and returned home.

* * *

Once we stepped through the front door, Waldorf took a deep breath and turned to me. "Man, I can't believe we're fathers... _again!"_

I nodded. "Tell me about it."

"Well if you really want me to..." He smirked.

I gave him a playful shove for that. We then turned our eyes on our adoptive daughter... _Our_ adoptive daughter... I knew we were going to face some discrimination for taking her in, but I was ready for anything! Unlike with my own children, I was determined to be as much involved with this child's life as much as possible!

"Hey Statler." Waldorf suddenly spoke, interrupting my thoughts.

"Yes?"

"What are we going to name her?"

I paused, having not thought about that. I think for a minute before a name comes to me. A name sweet, gentle, truthful, and most of all... fitting.

"Angel."

"Angel?"

"Angel." I repeat. "Her name is going to be Angel."

He nodded. "Angel... I like it." He smiled. "Alright then. Welcome home... Little Angel..."

* * *

-To Be Continued-

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AN- Up Next: Waldorf gets stuck taking care of Angel while Statler goes to the doctor.

Review but no flames!


	2. Chapter II: Stuck

AN- Second chapter! :)

Disclaimer: I don't own!

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-Three's A Crowd-

~Chapter II: Stuck~

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_Statler_

I woke up to the feeling of a little hand holding my nose. Smiling, I slowly open my eyes and see Angel cooing beside me. She had been a very good baby. She didn't cry at all during the night and slept like, well, a baby! (Ugh! _Fozzie_ was the bad joke teller!)

I slowly got up and stretched. As soon as I looked down at her, she smiled and reached her arms up to me. I picked her up and cradled her against me.

"Hey, Angel. Ready to start the day?"

She made a happy sound.

"Good."

I walked out of my room and went into the kitchen, where Waldorf was already making breakfast. I also saw that he had already gotten the baby food out. As soon as she saw the food, Angel became a little bundle of energy! She almost fell out of my arms!

"Alright, alright!" I chuckled, setting her on the table.

"Well, she probably hasn't eaten anything in a while." Waldorf said.

"True..." I replied.

After I fed her breakfast (again, she had been incredibly calm and didn't fuss) we both went to the living room. I gave her some toys, which were dropped off by the police, for her to play with while I went and had my own breakfast. Waldorf and I sat down with our pancakes and coffee and watched Angel happily play with a doll.

"She sure is cute..." Waldorf said.

"I agree." I took a deep breath. "I still can't believe we're fathers again!"

"Me neither!"

We watched her play for a while longer before I suddenly remembered something.

"Great!" I suddenly exclaimed. "I forgot! I have a doctor's appointment!"

"That's right!" Waldorf also exclaimed. "And you have to be there in ten minutes!"

I quickly got up and put my shoes on before turning to Waldorf. "I'm sorry, Waldorf, but with me leaving on such short notice, I'm afraid you're going to have to take care of Angel for the day."

He stared at me, incredulous. _"Me?"_ He exclaimed, pointing at himself.

I sighed before opening the front door. "I'm sorry, but you're the only one that can take care of her at the moment! Besides, you're going to need the practice." I smirked before running out the door just as he was opening his mouth to object.

* * *

_Waldorf_

Ooh, that rotten Statler! I am _so_ going to get him for this! Growling, I turn to look at Angel, who had ignored us and was still playing with her doll.

I sighed. May as well make the most out of this situation...

As I was watching her play, I couldn't help but smile. She was just so darn cute! It boggled my mind how someone could just abandon her (most likely) in the woods like that! By golly, if that's what actually happened, whoever abandoned her is going to get a piece of my mind!

Tiny hands on my foot broke my train of thought. I looked down to see Angel, looking at me with what looked like a concerned look on her face.

I couldn't help but smile. "You're one smart baby, you know that?" I cooed at her.

She giggled. I then took her into my arms. She giggled even more as she grinned at me. I grinned back. It was very rare that I would show any sort of positive emotion. I was almost always heckling, laughing in a mocking way, being grumpy, etc. But something about Angel just let me totally put my guard down and let her see my softer, gentler side; a side that only Statler and my late wife Astoria would see.

Angel suddenly began whining, bringing me back to reality.

"What's wrong?"

As if she understood me, she pointed at her doll, whimpering, her eyes suddenly filling with tears. I hurried over and grabbed her doll before she began crying and gave it to her. Her whimpers ceased immediately and her tears disappeared as she hugged her doll.

"You sure are cute." I told her.

She just smiled and cooed at me.

* * *

_Statler_

When I came home, I wasn't sure what to expect, but it sure wasn't Waldorf being a total fool and chasing Angel-who was squealing and laughing-on all fours.

I watched, bemused, as Waldorf continued chasing Angel and finally caught up to her.

"I'm gonna get you!"

Angel laughed.

"I've got you!" He exclaimed, grabbing Angel's ankle and gently dragging her across the floor before tickling her, making her laugh loudly.

It was then that he noticed me. The smiled instantly dropped off of his face as it grew red.

"Um... H-Hi..."

I couldn't help myself and burst out laughing, causing him to glare at me.

"What's so funny?"

"YOU!" I choked with laughter.

His glare intensified. "Why?"

"You're actually playing with her! You looked so goofy!"

He growled softly. "What's wrong with playing with her?"

I forced myself to calm down before I cleared my throat. "Sorry, it's just that I wasn't expecting to see you like that, that's all."

His glare disappeared as he glanced at Angel, who had calmed down and was chewing on three of her fingers. He smiled.

"Y'know something, Statler? I don't think that I'm going to regret taking Angel in."

I smiled as well and moved beside him. "Me neither, my friend. Me neither..."

* * *

-To Be Continued-

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AN-Up Next: Angel is properly introduced to Statler and Waldorf.

Review but NO FLAMES!


	3. Chapter III: Introductions p1

AN-Third chapter! :)

Disclaimer: I don't own!

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-Three's A Crowd-

~Chapter III: Introductions (Part 1)~

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"Hey Statler."

I looked up from my supper. It was just a day after Waldorf's and Angel's "play time" and things had settled down. Angel was fitting in nicely and we couldn't ask for more.

"Yeah?"

He hesitated before saying, "Do you think Angel knows who we are?"

I stared blankly at him before snapping, "Of course, you old fool!"

He sighed. "No. I didn't mean like 'know we're here' kind of knows who we are. I meant our names."

_Oh._ "Oh." I chuckled sheepishly. "Sorry. I didn't know what you meant. Well, what do you suppose we do about that?"

A determined look crept onto his face as he stated, "We should introduce her to us!"

Nodding, I looked back at Angel, who was busy playing with her doll. I smiled as I watched her wave her doll around as if controlling the doll's movements and speaking in her baby talk.

"That's a good idea, Waldorf. In fact, let's do that right now!"

He nodded, so we both got up and went over to Angel. When she saw us, she smiled and cooed.

"Yes, hi to you too Angel!" I cooed as well. I went over to her and took her into my arms, where she giggled and kicked her little legs excitedly.

Waldorf smiled and began caressing her cheek. She giggled even louder and leaned into his touch. He sighed before saying, "Angel... We have something important to do."

She immediately stopped giggling and stared intensely at him.

I turned to Waldorf, who in turn turned to me and we both nodded.

I set her on the floor and kneeled in front of her, while Waldorf did the same.

I started by saying, "Angel, we need to introduce you to us." I then made sure I had her full attention before pointing to myself and saying, "I'm Statler. I'm going to be your Daddy."

I motioned towards Waldorf. "And this is Waldorf. He's going to be your Papa. Understand?"

I could have sworn she actually nodded! Smiling, I tell her, "So, you call me Daddy and Waldorf Papa. And you," I pointed at her. "are Angel."

Again she did something resembling a nod before continuing to play.

We both got up and walked back to the table. We sat down and began watching her play and eating our supper. I smiled (I sure was doing a lot of smiling lately...) and turned to Waldorf.

"Well, that went well!"

* * *

-To Be Continued-

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AN- Up Next: Statler's and Waldorf's first diaper change in _years!_

Also, sorry it was so short...

Review but no flames!


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